Sunday morning had me haul myself out of bed feeling rather jaded, but a cup of tea and a greeting from CT soon perked me up. We cleared the mess from the previous night and then set about preparing the formal breakfast for our guests and tutors. Eggs, smoked salmon, sausages, black pudding, beans, mushrooms with toast or potato scones (still not sure what they are). As with the previous night it all got hairy at the end but we soon got all the covers out and I was asking Eliane to bully people into having scrambled eggs as fried was causing a problem due to lack of space! It didn't quite work but I almost managed it! I have to say it worked well from all and CT and I worked well as a cooking team!
After breakfast it was time for assembly, which I have to say I was dreading due to my (even more visible) love-bite on my neck. All transgressions were noted by Mrs Darling and Miss Hammond-Grant and before long it was my turn to face the music. I had refused to rat on Zille so Miss Hammond-Grant threatened to have each girl bite into an apple to compare the teeth marks with those on my neck. Zille, worried by this, decided to own up. Naturally we were both punished, and naturally because we were in Scotland it was with the dreaded tawse. I was also punished for being up after curfew with CT, for which CT received a heavier punishment because she was head girl (oh the advantages of not being responsible!). We managed to sing the school song by heart, much to the surprise of our tutors, having learned it all while preparing breakfast (also CT and I were singing let's talk about sex while cooking, which luckily was not heard by Mrs Darling or Miss Hammond-Grant) and were then sent off to prepare for our first lesson, which was sexual etiquette.
Obviously this class was going to be filled with hilarity and double entendre was soon filling the air. I had amused myself by writing the phrase "don't panic if your man is hung like a donkey", and showed it to CT to make her laugh. Mrs Darling, always watchful for misbehaviour, noticed and hauled me up to pass her my book so she could read what I was finding so amusing. To my shame she read it out to the class, before having me over her lap for a spanking. Oops. sadly that punishment did not remind me to keep my mouth shut (there is a separate brain for my mouth) and the following occurred:
EJ: "Miss Hammond-Grant, how long should we wait until moving to more personal acts with our bachelor?"
CT: "About five minutes?!"
Leia "No...*sings countdown tune*"
Of course I am hilarious but the tutors do not see it that way and I am given another spanking, this time by Miss Hammond-Grant. I also suffered a strapping in this class. It was beginning to feel like Groundhog day as time and again I was hearing my tutors say "Miss Woods. Yet again you have let us down..."
After a teabreak we were treated to a ballroom dancing lesson with Mr Spatz, which was really quite a bit of fun (I am actually considering taking it up), though a little embarrassing as I had forgotten how to Walz, not having done so for 3 years. Luckily his feet (almost) survived and the lesson passed without punishment. The end of the lesson took us to preparing a formal afternoon tea (also much fun as I had never done this before) and I was in the kitchen with EJ, Eliane and C baking scones. They ribbed me much for my anal measuring style. What can I say? I am a scientist. We also engaged in some sparring with rolling pins (also not noticed by Mrs Darling - major bonus as I was beginning to think the woman had eyes everywhere!). The tea went down well with our guests and most was eaten. CT and I were in high spirits after tea and began talking rugby, then began poking each other. Before we knew what was going on we were rolling around the floor wrestling each other. Naturally the entrance of Mrs Darling and Miss Hammond-Grant caused us to separate immediately and attempt to fix ourselves. It was no use, however as it was clear we had been up to no good. Miss Hammond-Grant caned each of us hard for such unladylike behaviour. Ouch!
After tea our final lecture was to commence, a fascinating lecture on Crime and punishment in history by our other male tutor. I for one found it highly educational (and hot!). Miraculously I managed to get through this class without punishment too, as did all the other girls. This was officially the end of our classes, but it was not over yet. We were to each have an interview with all our tutors. I was dreading mine, since I was probably the possessor for the most punished girl at Darlings Academy. In the end it was not as awful as I thought, but still highly intimidating (I am guessing that is the idea). My good points were listed first, which included the music classes and the catering skills, but so were my bad points. Luckily for my sensibilities (and probably lack of time!), not all my shortcomings were listed. Overall I came 7th out of 10 and as such was to receive 7 strokes in convocation. I celebrated coming in 7th, but was told it was noting to be proud of. I beg to differ, I should by rights have come last based on my behaviour!
I have never done something like this before, but definitely would again. Lucy and Amy put SO MUCH work into this and I cannot thank them both enough for having me there. Ladies you are the best. Oh, and to say it as Carly Simon would, "Nobody does it better..." I will never forget the weekend at Darlings and will treasure it forever, so thank you for such an experience. Below is a picture that all at Darlings should find HILARIOUS.