Hello folks, been a while I know but I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster of late! OK, down to what I want to talk about: The dark side.
Everyone of us has a dark side, I have been aware of this for some time and have accepted it as a part of human nature. My dark side largely manifests itself as a disciplinarian who enjoys dishing out punishment to those deserving of it, nothing more. Recently this all changed when I was asked to be part of the top team for an interrogation (I have done three as a 'subject). I was very nervous before, worried I would not have the skill to pull it off. However, when the scene began I was quickly immersed in it and before long I was enjoying taking an active role. I found I revelled in throwing buckets of water on a subject and was happy to take part in the psychological tricks we had up our sleeves to break them down.
The scene culminated with each subject undergoing a session of waterboarding, the length of which depended on how quickly they gave up the information we were after. I have been waterboarded three times, but have never seen how it works or the effects on others. For this reason Mr E had me hold a torch in the direction of the action, to give him light and allow me to see. I happily watched all four subjects go through this and even chuckled when one sobbed after being instructed she would have to suffer fifteen further sessions (we did not do this but it must have been psychologically painful). The scene ended, there were hugs all round and off we went back to London. It was late when we arrived so I thought little on what we had done and headed straight for bed. The following afternoon I had a crisis of conscience and was highly emotional about the events of the previous evening. How could I have done such awful things? Worse, how could I have done such awful things to my friends? I had watched four people be broken and taken an active role in it. I believed I was a terrible person. I talked with the other members of the team which really helped clear my mind. I realised that if asked to do this to an unwilling person I could not do it, so the major difference here is consent. These people all wanted to go through this and would get something out of it, both physically and mentally. So, is it a bad thing to have a dark side? Well, yes and no. It depends on how the dark side manifests itself. Mine only comes out to play with those who wish to see it.