Hello folks. How many of you have had an ultimate fantasy that you have wanted to play out for years? I had one I had wanted to do for 5 years and had been in my mind for as long as I can remember. I recently played that fantasy out for real. I won't give you the details as it was a private play session and that is not really what this post is about. What I want to discuss is how you feel when you play out your ultimate fantasy.
On the day I felt a mixture of nerves and excitement beforehand, combined with a moment of 'what the hell am I doing', just before everything kicked off. Afterwards my endorphins went off the scale on a level where the only other scene that compared was the 100 strokes of the willow I received last November. The next day I felt good right up until lunch time, where at home alone I began to mull over what had happened the day before. I was happy with what I had done, don't get me wrong, more than happy and I truly appreciate those who arranged it for me and turned up to make my fantasy real. But I had this devil on my shoulder asking me 'what are you going to do now? you have done your ultimate kinky fantasy so nothing else you do will match up to it. What is there left for you on the scene?' This doubt continued with me for a good few days, probably as a result of the dreaded 'sub crash' we all get when we do such high-end scenes. I had to really dig in this time and think about what was around me on the scene and whether I still had things I wanted to discover in it. I do, and I knew that with time and rational thought I would come up with the answer 'yes of course. This is my life and I am made this way. I will never want to leave the scene totally'.
I guess you roll the dice with such scenes. On the one hand you live to play these fantasies out but on the other once you have, what next? I am lucky to have a great active scene life both as Leia and in private so before long I was able to rationalize what I wanted to experience in the future. I may have played out my ultimate fantasy but that does not mean that others I still have in my mind to fulfill will be any less, in fact who is to say that something I do in the future may not blow my mind even more? I guess what I am getting at here is when you play with psychological play you have to bear in mind how far you raise the bar. If you raise it too high you may never be able reach that ultimate feeling again, which may result in you 'chasing the dragon', never again finding that high you once gained from such scenes. I think if you keep an open mind even playing out your ultimate fantasy can still leave things alive for many more great scenes. You never know, those future scenes may even exceed your ultimate fantasy anyway!
For those who organised this that day: I thank you so much, I cannot find how to show my full appreciation. For those that came and helped make my fantasy reality: You are epic friends. The best ever.