Requirements to be a slave to two slaves (guess who!):
1. Must be able to commute between two different cities.
2. The ability to make first class tea and the best ham and cheese toasties in the world is essential.
3. Must be capable of forming comedy shapes on demand.
4. Must enjoy heavy caning and tawsing and experimentation.
5. Gardening skills not essential but a distinct advantage. Pruners welcome.
6. Must be able to drive because one of us can't and the other can't be arsed.
7. Must accompany Mistress's to all engagements, carry all luggage and also carry one or both mistresses when they break.
8. Must be prepared for every eventuality of smoothness and carry a wide selection of plasters, painkillers, bandages, etc at all times.
9. Must be able to paint finger and toenails immaculately.
10. Must be able to look after both Mistress's extensive shoe collections.
11. Must be an expert in sports massage.
12. Must defend both Mistress's to the death in front of their owners.
13. Must have the skill to remove pain from either or both Mistress's when required by osmosis. (after all we have to do it, therefore so do you)
14. Must able to roll cigarettes for the Mistress who smokes because she can't be arsed doing it herself.
15. Must act as gofor on all film shoots to both Mistresses.
16. Must go shoppping for both Mistresses - they hate it.
17. Must be available for turning lights on and off whenever either Mistress is too knacked from their own duties to get up.
18. Must be able to suitably protect and prepare the blonde Mistress for when the brunette Mistress cracks her joints. (Gross)
19. Must supply us with a constant stream of pretty young girls to play with.
20. If an occasion arises where either Mistress is punished by their owners, you will be punished double. If we got punished in the first place, it must have been YOUR fault.
21. Failure to comply with any rules or instructions with result in slave being chased down the road with paintball guns and stinging nettles tied to your bollocks.
22. No gollums or mongwhales need apply.
6 comments:
That is just brilliant! Why people have not applied I do not know. x
1. Must be able to commute between two different cities.
OK
2. The ability to make first class tea and the best ham and cheese toasties in the world is essential.
Tea is no problem (considering the usual English tea standard) but I'd be more careful to brag about my skills regarding ham and cheese toasties.
3. Must be capable of forming comedy shapes on demand.
Hmmm - that'll be a problem.
4. Must enjoy heavy caning and tawsing and experimentation.
Sounds great - just a bit concerened about the "heavy" but I think I can take quite a bit (and I've met Miss Hunter).
5. Gardening skills not essential but a distinct advantage. Pruners welcome.
Sounds surely possible but boring.
6. Must be able to drive because one of us can't and the other can't be arsed.
Sure
7. Must accompany Mistress's to all engagements, carry all luggage and also carry one or both mistresses when they break.
OK
8. Must be prepared for every eventuality of smoothness and carry a wide selection of plasters, painkillers, bandages, etc at all times.
OK
9. Must be able to paint finger and toenails immaculately.
Uhh - I guess here I'd need to learn a bit.
10. Must be able to look after both Mistress's extensive shoe collections.
Women an shoes ... nutters ... ohh well ...
11. Must be an expert in sports massage.
Hmmm - I take that serious and I wouldn't call myself an expert.
12. Must defend both Mistress's to the death in front of their owners.
For a real gentleman that goes without saying.
13. Must have the skill to remove pain from either or both Mistress's when required by osmosis. (after all we have to do it, therefore so do you)
What? May I ask for some more details here?
14. Must able to roll cigarettes for the Mistress who smokes because she can't be arsed doing it herself.
Mabey I can make Mistress quit smoking?
15. Must act as gofor on all film shoots to both Mistresses.
OK
16. Must go shoppping for both Mistresses - they hate it.
OK
17. Must be available for turning lights on and off whenever either Mistress is too knacked from their own duties to get up.
Ts, ts, ts - as an engineer I'll just invent something sophisticated.
18. Must be able to suitably protect and prepare the blonde Mistress for when the brunette Mistress cracks her joints. (Gross)
Huh? You lost me here ...
19. Must supply us with a constant stream of pretty young girls to play with.
If I could do that then ... never mind. That could actually be a problem.
20. If an occasion arises where either Mistress is punished by their owners, you will be punished double. If we got punished in the first place, it must have been YOUR fault.
Uhhh - well - OK.
21. Failure to comply with any rules or instructions with result in slave being chased down the road with paintball guns and stinging nettles tied to your bollocks.
I'd need to discuss that with the Unions.
22. No gollums or mongwhales need apply.
OK - no problem.
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Hmmm - I don't look like the perfect candidate either but I rarely disappoint.
Cassie - It is confusing me too....so don't get it, I mean it is not like we are being picky or asking much...!
Andy - you are our first candidate to respond so I will just nod in pleasure! yay!!! xxx
I think you can safely remove requirement 14. You've given up, remember?
Good point! forgot that when I read through it again...ooops! Shall we have another 14 to replace? xx
No other applicants?
And I'm not suitable anyway since I don't live in England.
Hmm - you already saw this coming:
> So far we have had no
> genuine applications
> and I am not sure why...
But I'm really surprised - I'd guessed you get a truckload of applications.
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