Wednesday, 7 July 2010

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club...

Well, after a break to recover from times feeling not so well I was due to do my toughest scenario yet.  A 24 hour interrogation.  Now, given how tough the last few weeks had been this scene could have pushed me one of two ways; either over the edge, or it could pull me back from the precipice by which I was standing.  I threw the dice and it turned out I was correct.  This scene not only helped clear out all the demons gathered over the last few years but it allowed me to show emotions I find difficult to express.  For this reason it was a very cathartic process, if a little stressful at times.

I was not alone as a hostage, but once we were processed we might as well have been as a result of the deprivation of the senses, which is a most common technique.  This bothered my cohort, but I actually found it rather peaceful.  I am a dreamer and live in my head so can spend hours in a semi-meditative state going through just about anything I have experienced in the past.  

What I found difficult were the 'punishments' I was subjected to.  They were all carefully researched and tailored to each hostage and her particular weaknesses and fears.  Mine were known by my captors and by the time I was 2 hours in my fate sealed.  All these punishments tested our mentality, testing our mental strength and our resolve.  At one point our captors hit me with my greatest weakness and I did panic, I did shake (a sign of going into mild shock, it was not a cold night!), but I pulled myself back.  I refused to let it break me.  I was still refusing to let them break me.  Other mental punishments continued and still there was not breaking, though I was much weaker nearing the end, as my resolve was wavering.  The resolve finally failed with a dose with a watering can and a hood.  I broke.  There was no way they would finish if we did not break.  That was the idea.  And I think after recent times that was exactly what I needed to do to recover from the last few weeks.  I needed to go to hell and back and find out how strong my mental resolve is.  It seems it is much stronger than I thought possible, and given what bugs me this is probably the best piece of news I have received this year.

So much time and effort went into this scene so I would like to thank Mistress Switch and Team Evil for putting in so much time and effort into the scene, and hanging out the next day with me.  It was one of the best weekends of my life!  

No comments:


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...