Monday, 12 January 2009

Domestic discipline or Spanking roleplay?

Ok folks, this was another question posed to me by someone on the scene who is a good friend of mine. At first I thought the answer was easy but I am not so sure it is. So, here is the question "In your private life, when you are not being Leia, do you prefer domestic discipline, where the punishment is for actual misdeeds or a role play where the punishment received may or may not necessarily be for an actual "crime" committed?"
I of course launched into an answer, at first believing domestic discipline being my one and only choice, where the punishments are real and the rules are set. This is of course a way of life I live and enjoy immensely. There is nothing quite like the nervous feeling of going to see your disciplinarian for a punishment due that you have earned for misbehaviour. The reprimand received makes me feel uncomfortable to say the least, particularly if my behaviour has been seen to let that person down. And, of course the punishment means something to both parties in a uniquely intimate fashion. What could be better?
However before long I was realising all the other fantasies I have cannot easily be fulfilled in a domestic setting such as the BDSM play I enjoy, not to mention some of the psychological paly of interrogation scenarios and other such scenes that cannot be fulfilled in a domestic setting. So, like many women I was talking myself into wanting a joyous mixture of the two and "wanting my cake and eating it!". Fundamentally I think it depends on how I feel on any given day or period in my life, where I may change my mind from day to day. The is a woman's perogative no?
Any thoughts from both any ladies and gents that read this will be gratefully received and read!


Anonymous said...

Is your obvious need for real punishment the reason why you are always winding up the Janus editor?

idlethoughts said...

Hi, i think it does vary i can think of situation where anticipation of 'a made up scenario' is just as powerful as carrying out a justified punishment for a 'real misdemeanour'.
However, i really enjoy designing s punishment scenario and great considerable pleasure from anticipating the carrying out of the punishmnet!
take care

Lancisto said...

Are the two necessarily incompatible? Can you not have a DD relationship with roleplay too (either exclusively with your SO or with others, depending on your personal beliefs)?

As for changing your mind, I disagree that you should from day to day on a major thing like this. Any relationship needs commitment, and changing it about capriciously doesn't seem to fit with that.

John said...

Interesting question, Leia. Let’s consider a hypothetical situation. The characters are invented but they have a basis in real life.

Two people (let’s call them Jack and Jill) play together regularly. Their play sessions involve quite detailed role-playing with the characters they play sometimes developed over several sessions. Both of them find the role-play a satisfying and stimulating way of exploring their interest in spanking/bdsm.

However there’s more. Jack and Jill are not in a relationship but they are friends and they meet and talk outside their play sessions. And in those social meetings etc Jill behaves in a way that gets her threatened with punishment spankings. Sometimes it’s cheeky or annoying behaviour; sometimes it is because she is failing to do something practical like going to the doctor or dealing with financial matters. Now of course Jill does go to the doctor etc because she’s an intelligent and sensible person - not because she’s frightened of being spanked. But she does sometimes behave in a way which earns her a punishment and those punishments are carried out in their sessions – but not in the role-playing personas, rather as Jack and Jill themselves.

Does Jill like those real punishments? Well “like” is a difficult word in this whole context anyway and Jill would surely prefer not to get the lectures she is subjected to on these occasions. And of course in one sense the punishments are not “real” in the sense that she always consents to her spankings. But she does things that she knows will bring punishment spankings. Is this perhaps because in some way the real punishment element coincides with the helplessness which lies at the heart of her fantasies and which is acted out in their role play. Are the “real punishments” then a kind of more intense, a heightened role-play?

I don’t have any definite answers but I do wonder if this scenario might explain something about how DD might work. I’d love to hear your response


John said...

PS: I haven't speculated about what Jack gets out of the real punishments. Isn't he just irritated by Jill's annoying behaviour? Well perhaps his is a complementary benefit - having a "real" reason to punish Jill might provide an extra degree of stimulation for his inner sadist!

If this is really what is going on it suggests a very sophisticated interaction between the two people. There must be a great deal of trust between them or it would be very easy to get the balance wrong. But getting it right must be like adding just the right amount of spice to a dish!


Malc said...

(Joining in a bit late...)

In my experience (i.e. with my other half), it's a "both/and" not an "either/or"! When we play, we both leave something of the everyday at the door to the play space, and we both enjoy and benefit from assuming the roles -- and the roles will vary from being very close to our normal selves to something pretty theatrical.

But I also maintain discipline; there is a minor challenge in preserving certain things as punishment rather than play, but even without those, the mere fact that she's being disciplined totally changes the dynamic for her at the time. So while she'll enjoy her ordeals while playing, she won't enjoy much the same thing when she's being punished. Once the punishment is over, then that's a different matter...

For me, the fidelity of punishing her is a tad more satisfactory than the role play, BUT there are things we do that could only be done in fiction (e.g. historical fantasies).

So I reckon you can have your cake and beat it too... {heh}

Leia-Ann Woods said...

interesting thoughts from you all folks....thank you. some of you particularly seem to have my number, lol!


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